No One Likes To Be Told What To Do!

IMG_0198I am trying to say this in a nice way, but I’m just going to put it out there…no one likes to be told what to do. I know I’m a dog, and my leader mom is my alpha, and she regularly trains and gives me commands, but sometimes I just don’t like being told what to do. By now I know what makes my leader mom happy– walking beside her, letting go of something I shouldn’t have, etc. Or my favorites: stay, heel and down! But there are times when I know what I’m doing and she will give a command. And when I look at her as if to say, “I already know this,” she sternly repeats the command as though I didn’t hear her. So I decided to observe how some of my gal pals handle being told what to do.

First, there’s Eve. When we took her outside, she was halfway down the sidewalk when my mom said, “Eve, don’t pull.” Then there was Ellie, who was already at eye level before her leader mom told her not to jump! Allie’s been told not to kiss me so much but she never pays attention to that command. Khaki’s been told by her leader mom to stop barking when I pass her house. That never works so I have to go give her some attention. And, of course, there’s Snickers, who clearly doesn’t like me, no matter what her mom tells her!

My buddies are not much better. My pug buddy Samson will walk in whatever direction he wants to walk, and Mick—well, Mick actually does what he’s told. So six out of seven of my pals do not like being told what to do, which I believe proves my point.

But I decided to dig a bit deeper. I observed my leader mom as she read through several articles, such as Five Things Successful Entrepreneurs Do; 13 Things Your Stylist Won’t Tell You; What You Need To Do To Be a Strong Leader; Four things a Leader Does First Thing in the Morning, etc. Interestingly, I noticed my leader mom does NOT follow every single suggestion. In fact, by reading her body language I’d say she is overwhelmed by all the suggested ways to improve. It is clear to me that humans don’t like to be told what to do, yet often the first words you read or hear are, “Here’s what you need to do!” So I concluded my research and the findings are as follows: Humans like to give commands and opinions on how to do things better, but no one listens!

After all this work, I needed a break, so I danced and whined by the front the door to let mom know that now would be a good time for us to go for a walk—and she obliged. The sunset was beautiful so we strolled leisurely rather than walked at our usual brisk pace. In a flash, I saw a cat run past, and I immediately ran the other direction. SNAP! My mom called my name, snapped my collar and said, “STAY,” as she made me stand at attention beside her. Then a car went flying by, narrowly missing us both! My mom was expressing her thoughts a little more animated than usual while I was catching my breath. I could have died if my leader mom hadn’t told me exactly what to do right at that moment. Good thing she didn’t say, “Louie, I wonder if there is a better way to express your fear of cats?” I would have died while we had that nice little conversation.

Then it hit me! There are times when clear directions (commands, in my case) are needed; a time when the Socratic method is appropriate, and a time when simply listening is the most loving and effective method. Some leaders ONLY use the questioning method and it feels very manipulative because you know you have to do what they tell you or your job is in jeopardy. Others never offer the opportunity for team members to develop critical thinking skills, or the ability to explore other options, when they just tell you what to do.

I’ve experienced my leader mom’s ability to balance her leadership behaviors. She knows when to give direction and when to provide support and many times she balances the two nicely. She knows when to ask questions and when to listen. (It doesn’t hurt that she’s an avid student of Situational Leadership II). The most effective leaders are those who size up the situation and provide just the right amount of instruction and care. Leaders who only have one leadership style (which is often some form of control and manipulation), miss out on the very best their team is willing to give.

I think Henry Cloud said it best in his audiobook (yes, I listen as my leader mom gleans wisdom from her audiobooks). “Behavior changes occur when we are able to grapple with issues. When you provide context— by listening, sharing information and positive examples, setting expectations and consequences, creating a healthy emotional climate, and challenging them to do their best— they will figure it out and implement it. That is a lot better than just ‘telling them what to do.’”1 That takes time and discipline, and from my observation, some humans don’t have the discipline and won’t take the time for others.

Ultimately, I’ve come to realize that my leader mom knows best! I’ve come to love and trust her so my heart’s desire is to please her–not because she tells me what to do–but because I want to serve her. While no one likes to be told what to do, most of us love to give to those we care about. And the best form of caring is service!

 

1 Cloud, Henry (2013-04-16). Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge

 

Not Everybody’s Going To Like You, Lou!

I Love LouieLouie and I hope you’ve enjoyed your summer as much as we did. Louie had a great time playing at Camp Bow Wow, relaxing, socializing with his gal pals and taking a few notes on how humans behave. He is stunned by what he has discovered!

Louie noticed that humans often say one thing but then do the opposite. They are very concerned with their images, and nowhere is this more evident than in the world of social media. Interestingly, most humans share only positive information about themselves in an effort to convince everyone else how great they are!

This is all very foreign to Louie because with dogs, what you see and smell is what you get. This obsession with image is only found among humans. Dogs don’t try to be something they aren’t – although Lou does puff up his hair to make himself look bigger, but that’s less about image and more about self-protection!

Rather than try to explain it myself, I’m going to let Louie share his perspective and perhaps the best place for him to start is with his own story.

  *****

My life changed dramatically a year ago. I was roaming the rolling hills of Appalachia, searching for what I didn’t know I was missing. My training and discipline were harsh, instilling fear and lack of trust. Sadly, when I ran away, no one even knew I was missing nor did they search for me.

I thought my life was over when I was put in a cage and taken many miles to an unknown destination. It was very confusing, and the way I coped was just to hold my head up and stare straight ahead. There were so many cages and car rides I lost count. One day, we took a short ride and settled in a place where people paraded in front of us. The dogs around me were doing back flips and trying to get noticed, but I was so weary; I didn’t even care. Finally, when they opened my cage, I thought I would make a beeline for freedom. But I looked up, and there she stood with big brown eyes and an even bigger smile. At that moment, I realized what I had been missing all my life.

While I may not have been as terribly abused as many of my canine friends, I never really experienced genuine love or affection. Lack of love and attention is one of the worst abuses a dog can suffer. But the minute my eyes connected with this special person, I knew I had a chance to be loved and was hopeful I would never be lonely or neglected again.

So, our journey began. Because of my past, my master had to engage a trainer to teach me the balance of disciplining with loving. Apparently, my new human needed training too! Who knew learning to balance discipline with love would be so challenging. But the training paid off, because now we make a great team. And my leader even learned a few things about leadership, which she has written about in her blogs and in a book, aptly titled Louie’s Leadership Lessons. I like that she’s always willing to learn. This is the hallmark of a good leader.

Yet, in this journey I had a few setbacks. I’ve had some tough lessons to learn – perhaps the toughest was realizing that not everyone liked me. Because my leader lavished love on me with just the right amount of discipline, I learned to be very happy-go-lucky. And because she so easily loved me, I thought everybody would just love me—Not so!

With my history, I’m pretty used to getting bullied by bigger dogs. I don’t like it, but I’ve learned to run away instead of fight because I am much faster than they are! But recently, I met a cute little dog with whom I fell for immediately. She was spunky, walked with authority and exuded self-assurance. I like that in a gal pal!

When I tried to get to know her, however, she didn’t respond the way I’d hoped. I saw her walking one day and decided it was my chance to get to know her. Our leaders knew each other, so it was an easy introduction. She is much smaller than me, so I wanted to be careful not to overpower her. But in a second, my world turned upside down. I threw all caution to the wind. My tail wagged; I offered loving licks; and my plaintive voice said, “Hi, I just met you, and I love you.” The love was met with snarls, growls and flashing, white sharp teeth.

Though we kept walking, I just could not enjoy our time together. I hung my head low and wondered the entire time, what just happened? Why would she not like me? What have I done to get that kind of reception? And my leader, in her infinite wisdom, said, “Louie, not everyone’s going to like you!”

That was hard to believe! But I decided to take some time to ponder this news. I observed a few other doggie interactions, and alas, my leader was correct: Not everyone likes me. There is no rhyme or reason for it; there is no way around it; and one might not be able to make sense of it. But one thing is certain: I will not let rejection get the best of me or ruin my day or week or BEST YEAR EVER!!

What helps me to have this focus is to keep my eye on my source of joy! I relish in my master’s love and character, and I let her guide me to the relationships worth pursuing and those I need to avoid. She has never led me astray, and I doubt she ever will. I see her model this with her relationship with her Master, her Creator and loving God. I can’t go wrong following a leader who has this kind of servant heart. While you may know her as Danise, leader, businesswoman, consultant, friend or sister, I now know her as Mom (Thanks, Marisa, for sharing her).

 

Snickers, who would not let Louie in the photo!

 

NOTE: Thanks for your patience as we adjust to our new blog site. If you’d like to see Louie’s previous posts, please visit:  http://louiesleadershiplessons.blogspot.com

 

Louie has something to say about that!

I have something to say about that!
I have something to say about that!

 

What a great summer we’ve had. Louie’s made several friends, had tiring play dates at Camp Bow Wow, and has enjoyed playing with the alpha pups. I’ve managed more writing projects than originally planned and have enjoyed time with many new clients.

Some of you have met Louie and are familiar with how much he likes to talk. If you live in our neighborhood, you can hear him all the way down the street because he’s so vocal. Well, I’ve learned Louie has something to say! In fact, he has something to say about a number of topics–very important topics like why doesn’t the little dog down the street like him (you know who you are), what it’s like to be led by a servant leader, how to have a highly productive pack (and have everyone get along), why it’s good to stare out the window, why love trust and respect are important in the work place…and his favorite, how to mentor alpha pups!

He’s finishing his vacation (Oh, boy! Oh, boy!) and will be back soon (with a little surprise)!