Louie and I Have Something In Common: We’re Both Introverts!

IMG_3409Recently I was thinking of getting another dog. Louie is home alone so often, and I worry he gets lonely when I’m not around. He gets plenty of exercise thanks to Sully and his mom, but he’s a pack animal, and I don’t think I’m enough “pack” for him.

But then I remember my first doggie duo. My daughter Marisa and I were convinced that Buffy, the first dog we owned together, was lonely and needed a buddy. So we brought a very energetic Bichon puppy named Bree home when Buffy was 3-years-old…she was Buffy’s worst nightmare.

Then after Buffy died, we adopted Cece. Cece wanted me all to herself, which was not going to happen as long as Bree was around. After they passed within three years of each other, I took a break from any more doggie drama. And now there’s Louie!

But I noticed something interesting about Louie. He loves his buddies and will whine to go out to play, but when he’s done, he comes home and quietly goes to his man cave. He has a spot in my bedroom and a crate on the lower level of my home and he prefers that no one invade his privacy. After observing his behavior over the last two plus years, it is clear he loves to be alone. Even when I’m home, he is not under my feet. He will go into his crate while I am working or go to his favorite spot to look out the window.

Perhaps this is a learned behavior after living with me since 2013. I love to be alone. I enjoy the quietness of my home, and I reenergize by spending time alone. I plan for plenty of white space on my calendar for that purpose. I guard that time because it is precious to me. I would never be able to pour into people as I do if I did not have plenty of time alone.

The reactions I receive when I tell people I’m an introvert ranges from utter disbelief to acknowledgement that they catch a glimpse of introversion occasionally. The audiences I speak to are usually the ones who display disbelief because their idea of an introvert is not someone who is comfortable giving speeches. I learned many years ago from my friend, Lynne Ruhl, the primary difference between an introvert and an extrovert. She asked one simple question: You’ve been around people all day at work or at a social event. Upon arriving home you receive a call from a friend who invites you to a party. Would you turn around and head out to the party or politely decline to stay home? I didn’t hesitate…stay home!

She explained that it doesn’t mean I am shy or socially awkward or even afraid of public speaking. It simply means I recharge by being alone.

The terms extrovert and introvert refer to the ways people use their energy. These words have psychological meaning that is different from the way they are used in everyday language. Everyone spends some time extroverting and some time introverting. Don’t confuse introversion with shyness or reclusiveness. They are not related and I am far from shy.

And things get really tricky when you throw in a new term ambivert, a word used to describe someone who exhibits qualities of both introversion and extroversion. Stop it! I’m an introvert who functions quite well in an extroverted world, and I love my time alone.

Good leaders understand that people have differing ways of directing their energies. Not everyone will respond the same way even in the same situations. Have your extroverted employees that have WOO as a strength (winning others over) go to the social networking events. Be aware of what energizes and what drains all your employees.

I sometimes wonder if the superficiality of our culture today, thanks to social media, hasn’t made me more keenly aware of being introverted. As someone who is very relational, my connection with others is key to my well-being. Yet, I still prefer time alone rather than engage in any insincere or phony relationship. And now I have an introverted dog that lives with me, and I’m thankful we are so compatible. He makes coming home even more of a welcome reprieve.

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Are You Doing What You’ve Been Created To Do?

IMG_3252A few weeks ago during a beautiful, spring-like day, Louie and I took a long, quick-paced walk. As we headed into the homestretch, we slowed, and Louie stopped to investigate a grassy area. Suddenly he took three hops and then pounced on a tunnel that clearly contained a live mole running for its life just a few inches underground.

Louie was unstoppable. With his long snout he dug, snorted, clawed, and tore away chunks of grass. I was amazed as I watched him and could only imagine the mole’s heart racing as it made its way under a fence to safety. Louie made it clear that no mole is safe in his neighborhood. And with that he turned, puffed out his chest, and pranced away.

I’ve never seen Louie hop, but the bounce in his step and the sheer determination in his hot pursuit of the mole made me smile. Rather than walk away in defeat, he strutted off knowing he did exactly what he was created to do—hunt moles.

As we walked I wondered about being created for a purpose. Louie instinctively knows to track a scent, and nothing deters him once he is on one. But what about you as a leader or those you lead? Are you doing what you were created to do? Are you providing the environment for your direct reports to do what they’ve been created to do? Very few people do, and you immediately recognize those who are: the speaker who captivates you till the end, the author who unlocks a truth deep within, the woodworker who takes your breath away with his talent, the businesswoman who builds a relationship while providing the exact solution needed, and the teacher who watches another class graduate.

Yet so many times people are placed in roles because a function needs to be filled. The frustration builds when a particular position is not at all what that person was designed to do. For instance, a company just lost its vice president of sales. The organization already has a successful account manager, and due to budget and time constraints, management decides to promote this employee into the role. It is unlikely that the account manager will be successful because he or she may not be a hunter or is uncomfortable going after a deal. Most account managers prefer to nurture accounts, follow a process, and assist customers with their experience. As a result, sales will suffer and the new vice president, once thriving and successful, will suffer as well.

Once we recognize that we aren’t doing what we were created to do, we may feel a prolonged level of dissatisfaction. That’s when it is time to take stock and make changes:

  • Listen to your gut. We’ve heard that intuition or following our heart gets us into trouble, but most of the time, there is a reason for that gnawing feeling that something is just not right. Listen to it and investigate; dig around to find out what’s causing these feelings.
  • Listen to and watch others. I remember the movie Chariots of Fire, about the Olympic runner Eric Liddell, who explains to his sister, “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.” As you see others light up and recognize their purpose, take note of the times you have felt a high level of energy when you were doing a certain task.
  • Passion is another way to understand what you were created for. There are certain issues that fire you up. Even as you read this, you can think of one or two. Take the necessary next step to get involved in such causes. Don’t let the uncertainty of the second step keep you from taking the first step.*
  • What are you gifted in? What do people ask you for help with? What drains you, and what gives you energy? Recognize that the life-giving activities are the ones you were created to do.

The good news is that we were all created for a purpose, and we all have different purposes. Once we understand what we are created for, life becomes so much more rewarding. Imagine yourself as a leader helping those around you find their purpose.

Be aware-not everyone will appreciate your purpose or calling. I’ve blogged about the dream slayers in our lives. This is very similar. There are people who would rather have mole tunnels and rows of dead grass in their yard than a hound dog burrowing his nose in the ground. I recently gave a speech and challenged people to assess the lies in their life that cause them to hide behind a façade. Not everyone wants to face that challenge. I’ve been called to help women be strong, bold and humble without being pushy, rude or weak. Achieving that balance means first addressing the lie that knocked us off kilter.

As for my little buddy Louie—he is not a retriever; he’s a hunter. He is in his element when he hunts moles. He can pick up the scent of a mole several yards away. Although I am really proud of his ability to scare them away, I don’t want to know what on earth he will do if he actually catches one. Stay tuned!

* Henry Blackaby

Out, damned mole! Out, I say!

 

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