Hide And Seek

IMG_0745I loved the game hide and seek when I was a child. The neighborhood kids played it almost every night on Cherevilla Lane; hiding behind sheds, perching on branches of large oak trees, and blending in beneath large weeping willow trees. We would start right after supper and play until the streetlights came on. Sometimes we played beyond that if it was a warm summer night and our parents didn’t want sweaty kids in the house.

I’ve noticed Louie also enjoys a good game of hide and seek. Considering how far he has come in the last two years, this particular quirk is endearing and here to stay.

Occasionally I’ll give Louie a no-raw hide chewy. He’ll start chewing on it for a while and then he’ll whine a bit. And then the whine takes on another tone as he searches throughout the house for a safe place to bury the chewy. Sometimes that place is in my granddaughter’s room. Sometimes it’s behind the couch. But many times it’s within the folds of a blanket on his couch. I don’t believe it’s a matter of actually hiding the chewy, as much as it is that he loves to find the chewy. He does this every single time.

I recently noticed that as he was burying his chewy, he was very careful not to let me see him. It’s all part of the game. Then when I ask where his chewy is, his ears perk up and he is ready to play a little game of hide and seek. I am somewhat amazed that he isn’t more protective as I get close to the hiding spot, but rather he looks toward the spot as if to say, “Don’t look over there, mom, it’s not there.” The excitement mounts as I draw closer and closer, and viola! There’s the chewy. He loves it when I find the chewy and we celebrate that he’s such a smart boy.

The game continues as long as he has a chewy to hide. I don’t know what it is about this game hide and seek that we all love so much. As adults we still play that game but with a slight twist. We still hide certain things in our lives that we don’t want people know about, because we fear it could ruin the relationship. We don’t want people to know certain things because we fear they might think negatively about us. Yet, deep down we all want to be exposed with the hope that when we are found, we will still be loved and accepted. We all seek authenticity and truth. It’s a hunger within all of us, and there is freedom in being who we truly are, not what the world thinks we should be.

When we take off our masks and stop hiding, the authentic “us” is revealed. Some people will appreciate and honor that, while others won’t. Good leaders help people come out from their hiding places and seek authenticity. To do that, we must:

  • Be intentional about building trust.
  • Demonstrate authenticity in our own lives.
  • Provide a safe place and be a safe person for people to be real.

As for Louie, when I find the little treasure that he’s hidden, he seems to do a celebration dance, as if the unveiling bonds us even closer. Every one has a treasure within them. Seek to help people uncover their treasures, and you will create a culture of trust and love, where people can be productive and effective.

After the last blog, Juicy Morsels of Gossip, many of you asked about Louie’s issue with conflict. Louie’s next blog will discuss this, and he will have a guest on board to help out. Stay tuned!

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Juicy Morsels of Gossip

Jazz showing disdain for gossip!

Few of us can resist engaging in gossip. I’m not sure why, but if we reflect on our day yesterday, my guess is that many of our conversations involved tidbits of information about others (all justified, of course). Perhaps all of us could learn a few tips from my adopted pup, Louie, on this subject.

Louie and I were taking our usual early morning walk and the sun had not quite risen. As we were rounding a bend, we heard voices, which gradually escalated. I continued walking as we passed a couple who were in the middle of a disagreement while walking toward their respective cars. Louie’s ears perked up as he gave an alert signal—or more of a “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” signal. He wanted nothing to do with this couple and took off in the opposite direction.

I, on the other hand, lingered for a few minutes and pulled him back, hoping he would take a potty break. Why? Because I wanted to listen in! I didn’t even know this couple, but I wanted to peek into their world long enough to learn all about this conflict. But Louie was determined to get as far away as possible…so I turned and headed in the direction he wanted to go—away from the arguing couple.

Louie’s (and most humans’) aversion to conflict is future blog material. This was different. This was not MY conflict that I needed to deal with but rather someone else’s conflict, which I wanted to enter into from a safe distance as a fly on the wall. As you read this, you are probably agreeing with me that you do the same thing. Why is that?

There is something in human nature that can’t resist throwing ourselves into someone else’s drama. And with limited information, we decide to share what little we know about the situation with others, mainly to make us feel good about ourselves. After all, we aren’t arguing with someone as we walk to the car—so there must be something wrong with those people, not with us, right?

But when we display this behavior at work, it destroys a team. And when a leader is the one who instigates gossip, they cultivate an unhealthy, distrustful culture. An article in Harvard Business Review stated, “Gossip is not a problem; it’s a symptom. The symptom disappears when a critical mass of leaders stop enabling it, create trust in healthy communication channels, and invest in building employees’ skills to use them.” I know that to establish a “no-gossip zone,” leaders must:

  • Model a no-gossip policy in their own lives
  • Not engage in others’ drama
  • Refuse to listen to others when they start to gossip
  • Step back and ask themselves, “What is going on with me that I feel the need to share this information?”

These are just a few no-gossip strategies, but they offer a good place to check our own behavior. Louie had the right idea: turn and walk the other way. Don’t get involved in other’s business unless invited for counsel. Use your words to build up and affirm people; be careful about what you say. I believe this proverb says it best: “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.”

Whether you are a leader or team-mate, if you have even a slight inkling you should not share something about another person—STOP! Don’t do it! Turn and walk away. Establish a no-gossip zone for your entire organization, and you’ll see a difference in your organizational culture.

Louie and his gal pals “chatting.”

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